EmCatlyn

Duggars Not Having Babies

52 posts in this topic

This is not the Jessa Baby Watch Thread. 8-)

I will begin with "Where is Josh?" and "What is going on with Anna?" but I figure all things Duggar that don't have another thread can go here also.

The baby watch has its own thread though.

So-- Where is Josh? We don't know. Someday he may reappear, unless he's taken an alias and moved to Paraguay. Some date in February has been mentioned in the media, but they could just be guessing.

We are all concerned about Anna, and I for one am watching the news in the hope that she hasn't been separated from her kids. Everything else is bad enough, but if she is without her kids it is either because she completely fell apart and couldn't cope or because JimBob and Michelle pulled some major manipulation.

Meanwhile, I have been amusing myself with the idea of a special program for fundie-raised wives that teaches them some of the sinful secular things that someone like Michelle would know but which the next generation doesn't. If women are going to be blamed for their husbands' straying , don't they need some basic instruction in "the bedroom arts"? :D

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For special programs for fundie wives:

"The Gentle Art of Using a Baby Voice"

"The Gentle Art of Submission"

"The Gentle Art of ___________" - you fill in the blank! :roll:

The Gentle Art of Looking Adoringly at your husband and nodding your head to whatever he says because he knows best.

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and there was me thinking it was a thread for whichduggar wont have babies.

Ha! If only!

I would actually feel bad if one of them had fertility issues or something. I'm sure Michelle and JB would consider them a huge failure at life.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(I was thinking more of the poor second generation fundie wives who have been kept pure/ignorant.)

I envision a classroom with

a TV (for Fundie-approved instructional videos of "the arts of the bedroom")

a couple of big charts of the reproductive organs,

a bed with a soft dummy (to represent the man-- but it would just be a bolster with arms and legs--nothing too explicit--

a ring of chairs with buckets next to them for when the girl-wives throw up :shock:

Props would include colored lamps to set the mood, filmy nighties, cheerleader outfits, bikinis, g-strings, bananas, massage oil, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, velvet cord and, of course, the Bible.

Instruction topics:

1. Beyond Legos (also known as "Joyfully think of England")

2. Enticing without defrauding (dressing sexy for sex; if you are going to screw, anything goes because it is not defrauding)

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

5. Gentle voice, gentle hands (massage for foreplay and after play)

6. More than speaking in tongues (fellatio foreplay)

7. Beyond the Missionary (variations that keep him on top)

8. Indulging your man's secret fantasies ( what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom)

9. Prayers for before and after coitus; talking to God when your man isn't listening

10.Joy joy joy! Pretending you enjoy it.

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

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and there was me thinking it was a thread for whichduggar wont have babies.

Wishful thinking! We'll have baby watches on here for a long time to come.

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and there was me thinking it was a thread for whichduggar wont have babies.

:lol:

I came over here before Happy Atheist had set up the new categories and the only new thread was about Jessa's baby. Hence the title.

But we can speculate on Duggars won't have babies. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, but some might choose not to procreate.

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and there was me thinking it was a thread for whichduggar wont have babies.

Ha! If only!

I would actually feel bad if one of them had fertility issues or something. I'm sure Michelle and JB would consider them a huge failure at life.

I agree, that would be one of the worst families to be in and to have fertility issues. It would be even worse if the person having fertility problems was the wife of one of the Duggar males, as she would be the one getting all the blame.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(Lots of snipping for brevity)

Instruction topics:

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

Thank you! I now have a mental image of J'chelle on a stripper pole wearing her cheering uniform.........

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(Lots of snipping for brevity)

Instruction topics:

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

Thank you! I now have a mental image of J'chelle on a stripper pole wearing her cheering uniform.........

I hate you :lol: if I have nightmares I'm blaming you.

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For special programs for fundie wives:

"The Gentle Art of Using a Baby Voice"

"The Gentle Art of Submission"

"The Gentle Art of ___________" - you fill in the blank! :roll:

The Gentle Art of Big Eyes and Bigger Hair.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(Lots of snipping for brevity)

Instruction topics:

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

Thank you! I now have a mental image of J'chelle on a stripper pole wearing her cheering uniform.........

Saying in her baby voice "2,4,6,8 who I do appreciate, Jim Bob, Jim Bob, Let's goooo Jim Bob!"

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

Props would include colored lamps to set the mood, filmy nighties, cheerleader outfits, bikinis, g-strings, bananas, massage oil, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, velvet cord and, of course, the Bible.

And a lawnmower for the bikini wearing fantasy sessions.

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and in light of the stripper pole comment the disco ball that John David bought for the parental bathroom decorating episode SO takes on new light.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

The Gentle Art of Whispering "Is it baby - making time now , please honey?" seductively in your headship's ear

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(I was thinking more of the poor second generation fundie wives who have been kept pure/ignorant.)

I envision a classroom with

a TV (for Fundie-approved instructional videos of "the arts of the bedroom")

a couple of big charts of the reproductive organs,

a bed with a soft dummy (to represent the man-- but it would just be a bolster with arms and legs--nothing too explicit--

a ring of chairs with buckets next to them for when the girl-wives throw up :shock:

Props would include colored lamps to set the mood, filmy nighties, cheerleader outfits, bikinis, g-strings, bananas, massage oil, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, velvet cord and, of course, the Bible.

Instruction topics:

1. Beyond Legos (also known as "Joyfully think of England")

2. Enticing without defrauding (dressing sexy for sex; if you are going to screw, anything goes because it is not defrauding)

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

5. Gentle voice, gentle hands (massage for foreplay and after play)

6. More than speaking in tongues (fellatio foreplay)

7. Beyond the Missionary (variations that keep him on top)

8. Indulging your man's secret fantasies ( what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom)

9. Prayers for before and after coitus; talking to God when your man isn't listening

10.Joy joy joy! Pretending you enjoy it.

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

Don't forget "Bubblebaths for two"!

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I'm going to have nightmares.

I need a hot shower and brain bleach.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

Well I hadn't thought of it as a program we would watch but why not?

(Lots of snipping for brevity)

Instruction topics:

3. Solomon's delight -- the basics of exotic dancing not sinful in private because desires will be satisfied

4. Cheering for your Man (Michelle's trademarked variant on the above, guaranteed to lead to at least one set of twins)

Variations or additions to the curriculum? :twisted:

Thank you! I now have a mental image of J'chelle on a stripper pole wearing her cheering uniform.........

Well the stripper pole is your idea. I just imagined her bopping around chanting "JB, JB he's my man; if he won't screw me, nobody can!" And then she shakes her pom poms and the lights go dark for me --because some things you just don't want to imagine.

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Well the stripper pole is your idea. I just imagined her bopping around chanting "JB, JB he's my man; if he won't screw me, nobody can!" And then she shakes her pom poms and the lights go dark for me --because some things you just don't want to imagine.

Someone shoulda mentioned this "lights go dark" part about 27 posts ago. :lol:

Off to find the brain bleach.

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Saying in her baby voice "2,4,6,8 who I do appreciate, Jim Bob, Jim Bob, Let's goooo Jim Bob!"

I'm sexy! I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!

I'm bitchin'! Permed hair! Heathens all love to stare!

I'm wanted, I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!

I'm pretty! I'm cool! I dominate homeschool!

Who am I? Just guess! Jim Bob wants to touch my chest!

I'm rockin'! I roar! I swear I'm not a whore!

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obv i wouldnt wish infertiloty on anyone, but Jana and JD are making sure so far that they are keeping the no of furture kids down.

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I feel like John David is so over all of it. I feel like in a few years, he'll find a more mainstream Christian girl to marry. And they'll have maybe 4 or 5 kids, at most. He will probably be able to financially support his future family without a lot of help from JB.

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I feel like John David is so over all of it. I feel like in a few years, he'll find a more mainstream Christian girl to marry. And they'll have maybe 4 or 5 kids, at most. He will probably be able to financially support his future family without a lot of help from JB.

I hope so. What bothers me about JD is that he is clearly still entangled with his father's business interests and probably depends on JB for "Duggar Aviation." A lot may depend on whom he marries.

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"Bedroom Arts with Michelle Duggar"..... sounds like my kind of trainwreck. I'd hate-watch.

I'd watch that, then make my husband either puke or kick me out of the marital bed after following the suggestions. He despises those people with a passion I wish he would put toward putting the toilet seat down

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Saying in her baby voice "2,4,6,8 who I do appreciate, Jim Bob, Jim Bob, Let's goooo Jim Bob!"

I'm sexy! I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!

I'm bitchin'! Permed hair! Heathens all love to stare!

I'm wanted, I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!

I'm pretty! I'm cool! I dominate homeschool!

Who am I? Just guess! Jim Bob wants to touch my chest!

I'm rockin'! I roar! I swear I'm not a whore!

This. Everything about this.

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I would actually feel bad if one of them had fertility issues or something. I'm sure Michelle and JB would consider them a huge failure at life.

Remember the episode when Michelle and Jim Bob went to see a fertility specialist to see why Michelle wasn't getting pregnant anymore (in her mid-40's)??

CLASSIC. I guess God's will wasn't good enough for them.

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Saying in her baby voice "2,4,6,8 who I do appreciate, Jim Bob, Jim Bob, Let's goooo Jim Bob!"

I'm sexy! I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!

I'm bitchin'! Permed hair! Heathens all love to stare!

I'm wanted, I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!

I'm pretty! I'm cool! I dominate homeschool!

Who am I? Just guess! Jim Bob wants to touch my chest!

I'm rockin'! I roar! I swear I'm not a whore!

This. Everything about this.

And of course, it needs to end with

Got babies from God, I'm ready to defraud!

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I would actually feel bad if one of them had fertility issues or something. I'm sure Michelle and JB would consider them a huge failure at life.

Agreed.

We're rewatching the third season of Orange is the New Black and in the epsisode we watched last night one of the character's backstories involves her first period talk from her mom (the episode is called "Tittin' and Hairin'" I believe) and her mom tells her that now she "has value" :| Made me think of the Duggars and how their self-worth is so bound up into how many babies they can have.

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The Gentle Art of Grifting

The Gentle Art of Hate

The Gentle Art of the Cover-up: Scandal Management for Beginners

Unfaithfulness for the Faithful: Secrets of Online Adulterers

Social Media 101: Selfie Seminar

Keeping Sweet for Sinners

Seasonings of Life: Cafeteria Cooking with Michelle Duggar

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Maybe this has been posted a zillion times or more, but do the girls get a sex talk before marriage besides "be willing at all times for your husband"?

Oooh yes, they have one when they're young and receive their ~purity rings~ straight from Michelle's "to donate" jewelry pile. It's in their book and I think in the girls' book as well. Michelle also said she made Jill a "care package of the essentials" for her honeymoon. Eek.

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Maybe this has been posted a zillion times or more, but do the girls get a sex talk before marriage besides "be willing at all times for your husband"?

Oooh yes, they have one when they're young and receive their ~purity rings~ straight from Michelle's "to donate" jewelry pile. It's in their book and I think in the girls' book as well. Michelle also said she made Jill a "care package of the essentials" for her honeymoon. Eek.

What would such a care package even consist of? Pregnancy tests?

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Maybe this has been posted a zillion times or more, but do the girls get a sex talk before marriage besides "be willing at all times for your husband"?

Oooh yes, they have one when they're young and receive their ~purity rings~ straight from Michelle's "to donate" jewelry pile. It's in their book and I think in the girls' book as well. Michelle also said she made Jill a "care package of the essentials" for her honeymoon. Eek.

What would such a care package even consist of? Pregnancy tests?

Lube and ibuprofen?

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Crotchless panties, lube, and a bullet vibe for when Derek doesn't quite find the little man in the boat. :lol::lol:

Pffft, why bother. Jill was there to please Derek and hopefully get pregnant ASAP. It isn't meant to be FUN for her.

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Crotchless panties, lube, and a bullet vibe for when Derek doesn't quite find the little man in the boat. :lol::lol:

Pffft, why bother. Jill was there to please Derek and hopefully get pregnant ASAP. It isn't meant to be FUN for her.

Lie back and think of Jesus and babies. Hopefully, you will be blessed! ;)

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Crotchless panties, lube, and a bullet vibe for when Derek doesn't quite find the little man in the boat. :lol::lol:

Pffft, why bother. Jill was there to please Derek and hopefully get pregnant ASAP. It isn't meant to be FUN for her.

Lie back and think of Jesus and babies. Hopefully, you will be blessed! ;)

see, that is all there is to it.

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I never think of Jesus and the only thought I have about babies is how I don't want one... maybe that's why I've never had an "oops" situation (despite that, I do have the info for Pro Familia handy in case I need it!)

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On the subject of the "care package," it is apparently not an unusual thing for fundies to do for new couples.  On some other thread (on the regular site) people were saying how these care packages might include a change of nightgown for when the wedding nightdress got stained and stuff like that.

I never heard of this sort of thing before, and I was brought up in a culture where women were expected to be virgins when they married. (I even remember my mom cautioning me about tampax because it "would be very sad" if come my wedding night my husband had any reason to doubt my purity.)  

 But my mom had no stories about these care packages, and none of my friends who supposedly were virgins when they married got any care packages that I heard of.  Anyone out there know stories of "care packages for the deflowering/wedding night?"

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